Anyone who’s been following this blog for a while will know, I’ve been a habitual people pleaser for as long as I can remember.
I often prioritise others' needs and desires over my own, because I fear rejection and don’t want to upset anyone.
Relatable?
The whole reason I started this website was because I’d realised that I was neglecting the most important person in my life - Me.
And I knew it was time for a change.
One thing I’ve been doing that’s made a huge difference in my life is journaling.
Yes, literally writing a diary has been life changing. And not just for me.
Journaling has been used for centuries by people from all walks of life.
The most famous public journal was Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations” - which is an insight into the mind of one of the greatest Roman emperors to have ever lived. And it turns he had the same troubles as the rest of us!
One of my favourite authors, investors and podcasters Tim Ferris said of journaling - “I don’t journal to ‘be productive.’ I don’t do it to find great ideas …. The pages aren’t intended for anyone but me. It’s the most cost-effective therapy I’ve ever found.”
And even Albert Einstein kept a journal - "Keeping a personal journal is a way to keep your mind engaged and your creativity flowing."
Journaling is like having a secret conversation with yourself. A chance to pour out your thoughts and feelings onto paper.
And to unscramble all the thoughts from your brain that have become tangled up like an old iPhone headphone cable…
It's a safe space where you can explore your deepest emotions without any judgement. Trust me, it can be quite liberating!
When I started journaling, I noticed a significant shift within me. Not only has it helped me express myself, but it’s also allowed me to gain a better understanding of who I am and what I truly want.
Recently though, I’ve been a bit useless with my journaling and have missed several days in a row.
The brilliant habit I’ve built up has fallen away. So I’m on a mission to rebuild it!
But I know I need a way to stay accountable to get myself back on track.
Although technically there is no wrong way to journal, I feel like something is missing for me. At the very least I can get more out of it.
And although I love journaling, I know I can do better.
This became apparent recently when my girlfriend and I were having a conversation and it got quite deep. I gave her an answer to a question that was filtered and not 100% what I really thought - the answer I thought I should give (a classic people pleaser trait).
In all honesty, I hadn’t previously given the question a lot of thought, but she rightfully called me out on it, and it made me dig deeper and find the real answer.
But even when I wrote about it in my journal the next day, I still wrote down a filtered answer, similar to the night before. It seems even my people pleasing is creeping its way into my journaling…
But why?
No one reads what I write in my journal, so why am I filtering?
I probably need to be more open and honest with myself because it seems I even people please internally…
Honestly, I don’t know - but I want to find out.
I thought why not set myself a challenge to recreate the habit, dig a little deeper and simultaneously improve my journaling!
So each day for the next week, I’m going to use the below prompts to help me write something deeper in my journal.
And I want you to join me on this simple 7 day journaling challenge.
Some of the prompts will be broad questions, and some more specific. Some will ask to reflect on your general wellbeing, and some will be specifically related to people pleasing habits.
Grab a notepad. Start a Word doc. Use the notes function on your phone. It doesn’t matter. I find journaling by hand works best for me, but please do whatever is easiest for you.
Start by writing down one word or one sentence. That’s all it takes to get started.
After this week, even if you’re 1% better than you were at the beginning of the week, that’s incredible progress.
FYI - if this is your first time journaling, it might feel pretty weird - but lean into it. Don't kill the part of you that is cringe, kill the part that cringes.
So, are you ready?
The 7 Day Beginners Journaling Journey
I’m going to be sharing the prompt and my experience every day this week on instagram, so head over and follow @therecovering_peoplepleaser to keep up to date
Day 1:
Prompt: What can I do to make today a great day? (or if you’re writing at the end of the day) What did I do to make today a great day?
Top Tip - Even if you’ve had a shitty day, or you know you’ve got a stressful day coming up, find that one diamond in the rough. Look for the golden moments in your day, no matter how small.
Day 2:
Prompt: What are you most excited about right now?
Day 3:
Prompt: Think of a moment when you felt proud of yourself for asserting your needs or boundaries. What did you learn from that experience?
Day 4:
Prompt: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do? What is the biggest lesson you learned from this experience?
Day 5:
Prompt: Describe a place where you felt/feel happiest. What is it about this moment that makes it your happiest moment?
Top Tip - This can be anything from your favourite holiday to conversations with your loved ones.
Day 6:
Prompt: Think about a time when you feared expressing your true thoughts or opinions. What was holding you back? If you could do it again, what would you do differently?
Top Tip - Remember to be as unfiltered as you can. You don’t have to share this with anyone, but I guarantee you’ll learn something about yourself in the process.
Day 7:
Prompt: Reflecting on this journaling challenge. What is one thing that surprised you and why?
So there it is. Each day's journaling challenge is designed to guide you on a path of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Be sure to give it a go, even with minimal effort.
Whether you journal like Matthew McConaughey - “I never wrote things down to remember; I always wrote things down so I could forget.”
Or like business and leadership coach, Bukola Ogunwale - “Your journal is like your best friend. You don’t have to pretend with it, you can be honest and write exactly how you feel”
Just remember to be completely unfiltered. No one is going to be reading your journal (unless you want them to). It’s a space just for you.
Embrace the journey and let your journal be your trusty companion along the way. I can't wait to hear about your own experience as we go through this challenge together.
Happy journaling, my fellow recovering people pleasers!
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