“If people pleasing is in my DNA, does that mean it’s not my fault?!” - I can hear you screaming, while also distancing yourself from any accountability…
Well, how about we find out?
As you know, hopefully because you’re an avid reader of this blog, people pleasing is a common behaviour characterised by an excessive desire to gain approval from others and avoid conflict.
According to psychology and neuroscience research, there are a host of different reasons why we might experience people pleasing habits.
For example, some may people please because they received positive reinforcement for pleasing others in their childhood, which made them develop a strong need for external validation, or others might people please as a safety mechanism to protect themselves when trying to keep the peace around them.
We’re all products of our environments and experience, right? So that makes sense.
But what if some of us are more predisposed to people pleasing than others?
What if our personality types play a role in this?
What if it’s not our fault?!
Personally, personality tests get quite... personal
In my career I’ve done a fair few personality tests - Myers Briggs, Emotional Intelligence, The Big Five, 16 personalities, TrueColour etc. And to be honest, I quite enjoy them.
Although they place people into broad boxes with their personality traits, I like reading what they say about my personality and the explanations behind them.
Top tip, usually these tests will give you a list of Strengths to lean into and blindspots to watch out for - these are incredibly useful in job interviews when asked what your strengths and weaknesses are. You’ll always have something to say and you can back it up with behavioural science!
Each personality test has a different set of parameters and looks at slightly different metrics.
For example, the Myers-Briggs test categorises preferences in four ways, such as extraversion vs. introversion and thinking vs. feeling. The Big Five describes personality through openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Meanwhile, the 16-Personalities test integrates a lot of the above aspects, offering a unique, holistic perspective on each of these individual differences.
Across these different tests, it does appear that some types are more prone to people pleasing tendencies than others.
For instance, individuals identified as 'feelers' in the Myers-Briggs framework tend to prioritise emotions and harmony, and might be more prone to people-pleasing behaviours. Similarly, those scoring high on agreeableness in The Big Five might find it challenging to say 'no' to others, driven by a strong desire for cooperation and social harmony.
And it will come as no surprise to anyone that in the Myers-Briggs framework, I’m a “feeler”, and on the Big Five I score highly on agreeableness.
So why don’t we take a further look at each of these tests and which personality types are more prone to pleasing people?
Where to start, and what do they mean?
First up, the Myers-Briggs test - the full version is a paid for test, but you can do an abridged version here https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new.
In case you’ve never heard of it, or never had to do one of these tests in a corporate training session, The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a widely-used personality test that draws heavily from Jungian psychology.
It’s designed to place people into one of 16 distinct personality types based on four contrasting traits: extraversion/introversion, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, and judging/perceiving.
It was developed by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers in the early to mid-20th century, and the assessment aims to provide insights into how people perceive the world, make decisions, and interact with others.
After taking the test, you receive a four-letter code representing your unique personality type, such as INFP or ESTJ and a description offering a framework for understanding behavioural preferences and communication styles.
Within the Myers-Briggs spectrum, the 'ISFJ' and 'ENFJ' personality types, characterised by their empathetic and nurturing qualities, often exhibit heightened people pleasing tendencies. The 'ISFJ,' known as 'The Defender,' seeks to maintain harmony, while the 'ENFJ,' or 'The Protagonist,' is driven by a deep concern for others' well-being.
Typically those of us with one of these personality types may find it hard to resist the urge to accommodate others, say no and set healthy boundaries. Classic people pleasing tendencies.
So if you’re reading this blog, there’s a pretty high chance you fall into one of those categories!
Next, we have The Big Five personality test - take it here - https://bigfive-test.com/.
The Big Five Personality Test, also known as the Five-Factor Model, is a widely accepted and scientifically supported model for assessing human personality. Developed by researchers in the 20th century, it identifies five broad characteristics of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism (often abbreviated as OCEAN).
Unlike the Myers-Briggs, the Big Five doesn’t categorise people into distinct types but rather measures where on a continuum people fall across each of these five broad characteristics. The reason it’s more widely accepted by the behavioural science community is because this model is grounded in extensive research and is considered more scientifically rigorous.
When we look at how people pleasing stacks up within The Big Five, the trait of agreeableness clearly stands out. Those who score high in agreeableness will generally put social harmony, empathy, and cooperation before anything else.
Now, these are wonderful qualities that contribute to positive interpersonal relationships, but they also make it more difficult for people with high-agreeableness to set boundaries, leading to an increased likelihood of people pleasing behaviours.
So, where do you fit on the Big Five agreeableness scale?
And finally, on to the test that I’ve done most recently, which prompted the topic for this blog… The 16-personalities test.
You can take the free test right here: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
What I find useful about this test is, well it’s free, but it also tries to combine the best of both Myers-Briggs and The Big Five. So if you only want to take one of these tests, then I’d recommend giving this one a crack.
For this test, 16 personalities created their own bespoke model. In this model, the familiar MBTI acronym format is used, but it’s modified to include an additional letter.
The five different letters each describe personality aspects that, when combined, define your personality type. The five aspects are; Energy, Mind, Nature, Tactics and Identity. Each of these is seen as a two-sided continuum, with the “neutral” option placed in the middle.
At the end of the test you also get a percentage to show which categories you fall under, and how strong your preferences are for each. So this means that at the end of the 16-Personalities test, you’ll end up with an acronym like INFJ-A.
When I did this test, my personality type came out as an ENFP-A, also known as “The Campaigner”. And it described me as idealistic and compassionate in nature, driven by a desire for positive connection. Which I thought was pretty accurate.
And then when it told me what my weaknesses might be, guess what was number 1?
People. Pleasing.
“Most people with the ENFP personality type are uncomfortable with the prospect of being disliked. To maintain the peace, they may compromise on things that matter to them or allow others to treat them poorly. And when they fail to win someone over, they might lose sleep trying to figure out what to do about it.” - https://www.16personalities.com/enfp-strengths-and-weaknesses
That may be a little dramatic but it more or less nails it.
Now the test might call it a weakness, but I’d rather refer to it as a blindspot to be careful of. And of course it’s always front of mind as I remind myself that although I’ve suffered with people pleasing tendencies in the past, I’m on my way to recovery!
I can get better at giving my honest, true, unfiltered opinion. Because I’ve realised that when I do that, the world doesn’t explode, and people don’t instantly hate you. In fact, they respect you more because they know exactly where they stand.
Find out for yourself - take the tests and lean into your strengths.
Although it might be incredibly easy to think that you can’t do anything about your people pleasing because it’s genetic and part of your personality, don’t hide behind this excuse.
You can make improvements and become more authentic and set solid boundaries.
So take some time out for yourself and do a couple of these tests. Who knows, you may learn something about yourself!
Take what you learn and lean into those strengths - you might find you become a better version of you!
Send me a message or come talk to me about your personality test results, as I said I love talking about them and finding out how accurate you think they are.
Until next time!