How many times have you won an argument in your head while in the shower?
And how many times did those conversations or situations actually end up happening?
If this has happened to you, there’s a good chance you’re an overthinker!
In case you’re lucky and have never experienced this, overthinking is the process of creating problems in your mind that didn’t exist in the first place.
I’m an overthinker. Always have been. And it’s yet another classic people pleasing trait.
Pretty much everyone has experienced overthinking at some stage.
And some of us do it more than others.
Overthinking is great for procrastination, making yourself miserable and winding yourself up about things that haven’t happened yet, and probably won’t ever happen.
If you’re also a recovering people pleaser, you're likely familiar with this habit, which if left unchecked can take a toll on your mental well-being.
As this is something that’s happening to me regularly, and because I’m on my people pleasing recovery journey, I wanted to see if there is anything that can be done to help overcome this.
The good news is it’s not all doom and gloom if you’re an overthinker!
No matter how much time you spend overthinking, there are ways to beat it, or at least reduce the time spent overthinking.
But first things first.
To understand how to stop overthinking, let’s try to understand why people overthink!
You ready? Strap yourself in because here comes some neuroscience!
FFS!! Can someone explain to me why I’m overthinking?!
"We suffer more in imagination than in reality" - Seneca.
Overthinking occurs when we excessively analyse past events or worry too much about future outcomes, often leading to increased stress and anxiety.
To understand why people overthink, let’s explore a couple of the neuroscientific reasons behind this behaviour.
Firstly, overthinking can be traced back to our ancestors' survival instincts.
Your brain's primary function is to keep you safe and help you navigate the world effectively. When faced with potential threats, your brain enters a state of hyper-awareness and anticipates various scenarios to help you survive.
While this was crucial in prehistoric times when physical dangers - like being chased by sabre-toothed tigers - were an everyday occurrence; in modern society where everyday survival manifests itself in different ways, these instincts can lead to overthinking about social situations and other everyday challenges instead.
In short, you have evolved but your brain certainly has not.
Next up, overthinking often involves repetitive thoughts about emotional events, both positive and negative.
The brain's emotional processing centres, such as the amygdala, play a starring role in this.
For instance, have you ever had a social interaction where you felt embarrassed and stayed awake at night replaying a scenario in your head?
Yep, me too.
Situations like this can trigger overthinking as your brain tries to process and understand what the hell happened and how it could have gone differently. And for this, you can blame your amygdala.
Lastly, overthinking can also result from learned habits and behaviours over time.
For example, if something bad has happened in the past due to a lack of careful consideration, your brain may have learned to over-analyse everything to avoid the bad outcomes again.
On the flip-side, if you've been praised for being careful and cautious, you might feel the need to overthink to maintain that positive feedback.
If you repeat these thought patterns in situations and get similar outcomes, you strengthen the neural pathways in your brain - meaning you’re much more likely to continue the behaviour, for better or for worse.
So now you have a better understanding of the neurological basis of overthinking, that should give you some insights into why you’re an overthinker.
But knowing the reasons alone might not be enough to stop it. So let’s look at some top tips and tricks to break you out of your overthinking habit.
So tell me, how can I overcome overthinking?
Part of the people pleasing recovery journey is trying new techniques to break people pleasing habits, such as overthinking.
Some of the things I’m going to talk to you about I have tried myself, and others are on my to-do list to try. I still haven’t found that one secret technique that cures overthinking - and I don’t think I ever will - but I’m willing to try a combo of these to break these negative habits.
And I hope you are too!
So, here are my 5x favourite techniques I’ve come across recently to be released from the crutches of overthinking!
1. Set decision deadlines:
"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." - Theodore Roosevelt
Few things kill overthinking faster than a deadline. And it makes sense doesn’t it? If you have a short deadline, you literally won’t have time to overthink!
You can avoid dwelling on choices by setting time limits for decision-making. This will prevent classic analysis paralysis and encourage taking action based on the available information.
Try implementing these deadlines (at your own discretion) and stick to them for a few weeks!
Small decisions: Give yourself 30 seconds
Medium Decisions: Give yourself 30 minutes
Big Decisions: Give yourself 30 hours
2. Mel Robbins “5 Second Rule”:
This "5 Second Rule" is a brilliantly simple yet effective technique to overcome hesitation and overthinking that often stops us from taking action. And it’s literally as simple as counting down 5-4-3-2-1, and then taking action.
When faced with a decision or an opportunity, take a breath, then count backwards from 5.
Counting down activates a sense of urgency, disrupting the overthinking process. This stops your brain from hesitating, and prevents you from getting trapped in the loop of overanalyzing and self-questioning - forcing you to take action now as opposed to spending too long thinking about it.
3. Write a Journal:
"Writing in a journal reminds you of your goals and of your learning in life. It offers a place where you can hold a deliberate, thoughtful conversation with yourself." - Robin Sharma
If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time, you’ll know that I’m a big fan of journaling (check out the 7-day Journaling challenge I put together recently on the instagram page here).
So I can tell you first-hand that writing shit down is the fastest way to clear your head. Try emptying your thoughts onto paper in a stream of consciousness.
Get a pen and paper, start writing (literally anything), let the ideas flow, keep writing until you feel you’ve cleared enough out.
This can help externalise overthinking patterns and gain a fresh perspective on recurring themes. Not to mention, journaling can serve as an outlet for processing emotions and developing a clearer understanding of underlying concerns.
4. Barack Obama’s, 51% decision making rule:
How good would it be to only have easy questions land in your lap?
In a perfect world we’d have 100% of the information before making a decision. But in reality, that will never happen.
Barack Obama said "You don't have to get to 100% certainty on your big decisions, get to 51%, and when you get there, make the decision and be at peace with the fact that you made the decision based on the information you had".
Because at this point, you’re more sure than not - so make peace with those decisions. It won’t be right all the time, but it will kill overthinking pretty swiftly.
If 51% is too small of a number (which, honestly, it is for me) try Jeff Bezos’ 70% rule instead:
Which is the same, but a slightly higher percentage - once you have 70% of the info you wish you had, that’s enough. Use what’s in front of you and make a decision.
5. Schedule worry time:
I haven’t tried this one yet, but I am definitely finding some quiet time to do this…
Literally put time in your diary to worry.
So when you say “I’ll worry about that later”, you know you absolutely will - because it’s in your fucking calendar!
Make worrying a specific part of your schedule. Pop it in your calendar, and let all those thoughts creep in for a specific time. Figure out the solutions and then leave it all there.
Hopefully, by the time it comes to worrying, you might not even be worried anymore. Better to designate a specific time to a problem than let it plague your mind all day.
BONUS technique (also a fun game to play with others): The Joey and Phoebe decision making game!
In a famous scene from "Friends", Joey is going to Las Vegas to film a movie and he’s trying to decide what route to take on his road trip down there. There are 2x different routes he could take but can’t decide.
So Phoebe comes up with a brilliant plan on how he can decide:
She asks him a series of boring quickfire questions that Joey has to answer without thinking. Joey takes a few deep breaths, relaxes and clears his mind. She then proceeds with random questions before slipping in the real question once they’re on a roll.
And before he knows it, Joey's made a decision.
This technique brings your true thoughts will surface and you won’t have had to overthink! Even if it doesn’t work for you, it’s a hilarious game to play with your friends.
(watch the experts in action here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dThvyim4tbU)
Aren’t you soooo over, overthinking…?
So there you go!
You’re well on your way to overcoming the endless "what-ifs" and break free from the sticky spider web of overthinking. It's been quite a ride, hasn't it?
As we’ve discussed, overthinking makes us dwell on imaginary scenarios and worry about things that might never happen.
But through self-awareness and understanding, you can take a significant step forward in conquering this mental maze.
Now you know some of the reasons and neuroscience behind overthinking, you’ve come to understand that it's a common human experience. And it happens to almost all of us.
Your brain is wired to seek potential dangers and analyse situations to protect us. But sometimes, this goes too far and misinterprets danger for awkwardness, creating unnecessary stress and anxiety.
The good news is that we have the power to take control and break free from the cycle of overthinking.
This journey to recovery has taught us five valuable techniques to combat this habit.
Go ahead and break free from your brain’s bad habits, and hopefully now you’ll have less of those imaginary shower arguments!
I know I certainly will.
Comments